I believe that societal shifts—whether positive or negative—creep in slowly, like a thief, often going unnoticed. Before long, they become widespread issues that may require government intervention. That’s why society needs a conscience, watchmen, or, if you will, critical thinkers.
This is a true-life story about a Nigerian woman who relocated abroad with her husband and two beautiful children—a boy and a girl—several years ago.
Her husband, a brilliant scholar, received a scholarship for his second degree, allowing him to study in the USA. Over time, he became a professor of mathematics. A few years after relocating, he was able to bring his wife and two kids to join him. They later welcomed another child, a baby boy.
To give some background: this woman came from a poor home. Among her siblings, she was highly respected because of her husband. She was practically idle and barely finished high school. In both education and financial status, she was far beneath him.
After arriving in the U.S., the once redundant wife slowly began to find herself. She made new friends, many of whom were women who understood the legal and cultural shifts that empowered women in their new society. These friends introduced her to a new way of thinking—one that challenged everything she had been raised to believe about marriage and a woman's role in the home.
Perhaps for the first time in her life, she realized she was not compelled to follow the customs and traditions that had once governed her life in Nigeria. The idea that a wife must always submit, endure, and remain in the shadow of her husband was no longer absolute. She now had rights, that must be respected. She now had choices. And she was beginning to exercise them.
With this newfound confidence came changes in behavior. She no longer sought her husband’s permission before making decisions. She spoke up more, questioned him more, and demanded more money to live as she pleases while the husband worked more to meet her demands. She started spending more time outside—engaging with people, learning, and slowly embracing a new identity. Was this independence, or rebellion? To make matters worse, there was no one to call her to order!
Her mother passed away a few years after she relocated, and her father—now over a hundred—depended on her for survival since he could no longer farm.
As time passed, the husband began to voice his frustrations to her aged Father. He complained of sexual denial, disrespect, neglect, and increasing pressure within the marriage. The woman he once knew—quiet, submissive, and entirely dependent on him—was no longer the same.
When asked, she claimed she couldn’t have frequent sex with him because his penis is curved, making it painful. But wasn’t this the same curved penis back in Nigeria? Was the love she professed to him in Nigeria ever genuine?
To the husband, it felt like betrayal. He had given her everything—education, a better life, and the privilege of living in a developed country. And now, rather than gratitude, he was met with coldness and distance. Their once active bedroom life had now turned into a battleground. She frequently turned down his advances, claiming tiredness, pains, stress, or lack of interest. The rejection stung.
At first, he tried to be patient. He asked, pleaded, even argued—but nothing changed. The more he complained, the worse it got. His frustration grew. He started feeling unwanted, unheard, and unappreciated.
Back home in Nigeria, their relatives and friends started hearing bits and pieces of the story. Some blamed the wife for forgetting her roots and allowing the "American lifestyle" to corrupt her mindset. There is not a single person from her family that supported her behavior!
With each passing day, the gap between them widened. The marriage that once felt like a dream was slowly turning into a nightmare.
Finally, she agreed to have sex with him, but only if he would agree to have a Vasectomy, claiming she didn’t want any more children. The husband agreed, unaware that she had a sinister plan.
A few weeks after the vasectomy, she filed for divorce, accusing her husband of assaulting their daughter.
It was by far the worst divorce news we had ever heard.
Distraught, the husband wrote a long letter to her father in Nigeria. Every attempt to reconcile them was in vain—her mind was made up, and there was nothing anyone could do.
The divorce was finalized. She was granted custody of the three kids and the big house the man had bought before she came.
Unable to father another child through intercourse, he was ordered to leave their home with a restraining order against him and was legally required to pay child support.
https://x.com/Cr7Godbrand/status/1836392834225607058
https://x.com/realBigStanH/status/1864297679741689930
But what exactly happens to our marriages once we cross over abroad? Is it just culture shock, or is there something deeper and foundational at play? Does our Women lacks home training or our Men are to demanding?
Are our marriages built on pretense or falsehood?
Is economic empowerment leading women to marry men they don’t love?
Are we becoming ungrateful, using someone to achieve financial stability, only to discard them like a pack of cards?
What exactly is wrong?
Watch out for the concluding story...
I would love to hear from You. Please send in your comments, let us know what you think!
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